How to not lose yourself while existing

7min read

In order to have the living experience that everyone is craving, you want to avoid loss. Think about it, if your life was a book, would you want chapters, pages, sentences or even just words to be removed? A common phrase among unsatisfied people today is “I don’t know who I am anymore”. This applies to work, friendships, partners, hobbies, families and for so many more instances. Don’t lose yourself and get forced to find chapters of your book that have already been written! Our life experts have done extensive studies on the matter and I have compiled a list of five of the most commonly left-behind parts of a human, and how to avoid losing them.

1. Lost Competence
Whenever I get asked the question “Who are you?” (a bit blunt, but hey, some people just skip foreplay at social gatherings) my answer is always what I do for a living. So losing that part of myself is one of the biggest identity crises I can go through. Therefore you should strive to always be on the edge of your field and never change your title. If you have to switch titles, make sure to at least be promoted AND NEVER change workplace.  Switching work environments is a sure fire way to lose a piece of yourself.

2. Lost Interest
As you know, all work and no play makes for a dull life, so having an interest should be half of your personality, you could say. Therefore it is important to always have an interest to identify with! A good way to not lose your interests is to always have something from your hobby with you. Do you like to knit? Wear gloves that you’ve made. Is cooking what you do in your free time? Make sure to show off your lunch boxes at work. Remember: out of sight, out of mind.

3. Lost Things
This one might come as a surprise, but a lot of people identify with their belongings, and you probably do as well. Are you the person to always lend you friend a pencil or offer a cigarette? Do you have a favourite scarf that you feel naked without? Maybe you’re one of those people that is always looking at your phone, even in social interactions? Do you see what we’re getting at? A good way to not lose yourself is to have  dedicated spaces for your things, like a drawer or pocket. Another good way to always find your things is to spray them with perfume. And speaking of smell…

4. Lost Senses
Have you found your signature scent? Wouldn’t it be a shame if the shops stopped selling them? Do you feel pretty? Looks will change with age, sorry. No, the best way to not lose how other people sense you, is to go to the permanents! You’re the person with the dragon tattoo that everyone is talking about! Your favourite smell is sweat, and you can smell like it everyday. 

5. Lost Relationships
Friends come and go?  We say “Hell no!”. True friends last forever and you will always have that same connection as you did in the beginning. Now, it’s hard to stay friends with someone that changes, so the first thing to do is to ask them to read this list. That will minimize the risk that their identity grows. Specifically: grows away from you. If they insist on changing, even after reading this article, stop hanging out with them. Unless that means changing your relationship! Unless not changing your relationship means changing yourself…

5. Found Relationships
Don’t have any relationships. Humans are social beings and their identities are fickle and if you have any relationships at all you will have to change something about yourself and as we know by now: changing equals loss. So if you already have friends, I’m sorry, but you might just be lost. If you absolutely MUST have friends, we suggest that you write up a friendship agreement with them. The Unsuffering (Performance) Artists has actually put out contracts for friends (you for instance) to sign at Beijers Park Café until the 14th of December, 2024. You could sign those or get inspiration on what you’d like your agreement to look like.
In conclusion: If you don’t want to lose anything about yourself, find situations of stasis. Work that is the same everyday, hobbies that you can show off, places where you can put stuff so you never lose them (pro tip: if you never use them, they will always be in the same place!), permanently mark your body and don’t have any friends to begin with.

Written by The Unsuffering (Performance) Artists

2024-12-12

How to not lose yourself while leaving yourself behind

Life is ever changing. That is a fact that is neither good, nor bad. Because when life changes, we evolve! It’s not bad to get a promotion, right? Or to move to a new destination, to get married or start a new hobby! Change is what makes our life’s story move forward. It is okay to leave behind what no longer aligns with who you are becoming, but what we really are scared of is to be left with the unrecognizable. To leave behind what we are or want to be and be left with an identity that isn’t ours. So, let’s talk about what makes us US and try to figure out how we can leave what isn’t us, without losing what is.

1. Profession
Let’s not kid ourselves, when people ask “Who are you?”, you always answer with what you do (after your name of course). This mentality of being what you do is not a bad one, if that is your goal, but remember that you are more than that. Allowing yourself to have a “work-personna” that doesn’t need to be shone outside of work can be a really nice way of discovering new sides to yourself. Just remember that leaving this character aside, doesn’t mean losing it. You are still the competent person you are today, you just don’t need to define yourself with getting compliments or recognition from your boss or colleagues.

2. Interests
Find out what it is you like to do instead! Movies, cooking, painting, cars and so on, can be more in line with what makes you happy. However, don’t limit yourself. Do you think you’ve already found your life-hobby? Drop it for a night! There could be other things out there that are fun, that you might enjoy and might even bring some spice to your main hobby. This also invites you to understand other people and their likes as well. Maybe you can try each other’s hobbies? And don’t worry, you can still nerd out about what you like, even though you sometimes explore other extra curricular activities.

3. Things
This one is a very important one. You. Don’t. Have. To. Hate. Things. That. Aren’t. Your. Things. Looking at you android fanboys. Of course you can be passionate about one thing, without shoving it down someone else’s throat and at the same time destroying what they like. If you define yourself by what phone you use, that is okay, but aaaaaaaaaaaa looooooooot of other people don’t and don’t care. Be respectful about that, and you might learn a thing or two about the competitor that either helps you appreciate what they do, or strokes your ego. It’s a win/win situation.

4. History
We are what we’ve been through. This is something that we’ve been told several times in our lives. And yes, it is very true. Our history is what shapes us, what makes our decisions when we are faced with new choices. Therefore a lot of people are afraid of letting go of the past. The past can however encourage us to make the wrong decisions when we think that two very different experiences are exactly the same. In fact, two separate experiences rarely are. Therefore, to keep your own values and identity, focus on what you want, not what you’ve been through. And you won’t lose your past just because you don’t let it dictate your choices. It is okay to still be sad about something you thought you healed from.

5. Relationships
Now this one is a doozy, because there are so many types of relationships, but we will try to sum them all up in one paragraph. You aren’t your relationships. You will evolve with or without them. You are however how you let your relationships treat you. Therefore you need to make the active choices to love yourself by only keeping friendships that do the same. If you have to guess where you stand with someone, move on. Not knowing is knowing.
We hope this text makes it easier for you to allow change in your life. Remember: change is not good or bad, it is what you want, need and choose it to be.
Written by The Unsuffering (Performance) Artists

Written by The Unsuffering (Performance) Artists
2024-12-13